Around to it

Today I got frustrated about never having time to do the things that I need to during the day. I have 5 children, including a two year old and a newborn, my husband is also home during the week. I have made a schedule and delegate a lot of chores to others. But it doesnt save me any time because I am constantly answering questions or checking up on the progress of the said delegations. Our house is also very LOUD. I dont get phone calls made, I dont get paperwork done, I dont go anywhere.

There is something that you might not know about me. I had Stage 3 malignant Melanoma removed from my back 6 years ago. I have only had one check up since then and I have some moles on my face and back that have been really itching and bothering me. Doesnt that sound so stupid and irresponsible written down in black and white?

I meant to see the dermatologists every 6 months. Medi-cal would only pay for once a year. Then the health dept didnt have calendars to make appts for 6 months in advance, then I dindt have a car, then I was pregnant and sick, then I had a newborn, then I was pregnant and sick again. Five years went by. How did that happen? Wait! I just told you how it happened.

Now here I am. I called to try to find a dermatologists covered by our insurance because right now I don't have a dime to my name. Seriosuly. I had to transfer my paperwork to a different place that will take effect October 1st, then I have to get a Drs. referral. I am really freaking out though. I found the first melanoma and it was taken care of. Am I pushing my luck now? Did I become paranoid or have I ignored my warning.

I can name so many people who have quickly died from Melanoma. Why would I not take this seriosuly? I dont have my affairs in order for such a thing. I want to see my chidren grow to marurity and fulfill the dreams that we've dreamed for them. Im scared.