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Sunday, November 2, 2008

Church Hookie

Yesterday I came down with this...head stuffiness, earache...I don't know if it is a head cold? Sinus infection? Allergies acting up from the rainy weather? I went "to bed" at about 4 last night and then missed church this morning.

I am sooo sad to miss church. I went to wax on about missing church or convince you that I really am NOT well...but why?

My husband and I met at Bible Study. We were actually in 3 weekly Bible studies together. We were both the people, the hand full of friends, that would show up on moving day. Josh went on numerous missions trips and gave away ALL his money. (Before we became engaged, I actually looked into his checkbook to see how he spent his money. He amazed me. Literally, ALL of his money went to missions.) He bought my engagement ring and then flew to Honduras on a missions trip. I was very invovled in Pro life work. During college, I saved up money working during the year and then during the summer, took summer school classes and did sidewalk counseling 5 days a week. After getting my degree I took a job Directing a non-profit for under $800 a month. My rent was was over $500. People that have known us for a long time know this about us.

BUT since being married and starting a family, we have done nothing. I can't remember us helping anyone move, doing any service projects. We have struggled with feeding ourselves. I think we have taken ONE meal to a family that had a baby. We have been married for 13 years and have taken ONE family a meal? I hope that isn't right, may it may be. We have been at home. I have spent my enrgy: mental physical and emotional-HERE at home. My laughter has been here, my crying has been here. Much of the time, I have felt very alone. My husband, who has always had a large circle of freinds, has really had none. I don't regret our decisions but I have felt like we have become big losers. Like, we did have a good perspective and DID serve God but now we are just big losers.

We recently joined a home group. Something was casually said recently that has gotten me thinking. We aren't soley who we are right now--there are seasons to life. This is our "at home" training season. We are still those people who have hearts to reach out to and serve others, right now, those others are the ones God has placed in our homes and put under our direction. I wonder what our next season will be like: will we go on missions trips together? Volunteer at Crisis Pregnancy Centers as a family? (Our oldest, now 12, has walked in every walk for life raising money for the center and did child care during parenting classes hm...) When will this new season begin? We now have a newborn and a two year old.....

I am tired. I am home from church. Why are so many things weighing on my mind and keeping me up?