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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I had a birthday!

 Seems like that post title should hold a slew of giveaways and celebrations. Actually, you're going to hear me whine. I'm going to whine to you because I feel weird calling up a friend and forcing them to hear my whining whereas you can close the page whenever you like and I'll never know the difference. Sounds like a win all around. I'm whining because I'm sick of whining on my birthday and hoping that we can hash this out once and for all so there'll be no more whining.

Birthdays have always been weird for me. I lived with my mom and dad until I was 5 and then my mom until I was 6. My mom was crafty and a great cook and baker and prepared huge elaborate parties and awesome cakes and crafts for everyone. I actually remember them. Before I turned 6,  I went to live with my grandfather's third cousin who was then in her 70's and grumpily set in her ways. When I last saw my grandmother we celebrated my birthday even though it was months away. She knew she wouldn't see me on the actual day. I moved across the country and shortly after she died of cancer in her 40's. My mom died a few years later at 34.

I lived with my dad from 14-college. He was a bachelor and not quite sure what to do. He came in one birthday and asked if I wanted to take a friend to Farrells. Nice thought. Another birthday he bought me a stereo and then through a HUGE 3 hour screaming fit that it took him all day to buy it.

Then I met a wonderful family who treated me like their own (a new concept for me) and we had wonderful wonderful tea parties for my birthday and I felt so special and uncomfortable with all the attention.

Now here I am: the wife and mom. I make celebrations happen. I do all the prep work and planning. So what happens on my birthday? Honestly? My husband waits until the day of and then feels incredibly guilty that he cant do or buy what he thinks he should. I don't even know what that is. And he asks me and asks me, but life doesn't stop and neither do it's pressures.

I got a *new to me* dress/shirt thing at Goodwill. (I cant decide if I lke it and I dont know if I can return it now because the cashier gave me a 24% discount. They like me there, it's like my own little Cheers.)

I woke this morning to a toddler bringing me paper and pens because everyone else was making cards and he didnt want me to be left out :) My husband made a great cup of coffee and an amazing omelet. A friend facebooked me last night asking if she could bring over  a cake.

I dont want anything more but I feel like something is missing. Is it because my well meaning husband keeps asking me what I want to do? Do I expect my Mom to come through the door with a Barbie cake and make everything better? Do I miss my grandma making sure I am taken care of. I dont even know. If so, Id like to get over that now. This is stupid and I dont like whining.

Are birthdays weird for you? Im not all that offended by getting older. Do you plan your birthdays? What do you do? What is your favorite birthday memory?

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