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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I had a birthday!

 Seems like that post title should hold a slew of giveaways and celebrations. Actually, you're going to hear me whine. I'm going to whine to you because I feel weird calling up a friend and forcing them to hear my whining whereas you can close the page whenever you like and I'll never know the difference. Sounds like a win all around. I'm whining because I'm sick of whining on my birthday and hoping that we can hash this out once and for all so there'll be no more whining.

Birthdays have always been weird for me. I lived with my mom and dad until I was 5 and then my mom until I was 6. My mom was crafty and a great cook and baker and prepared huge elaborate parties and awesome cakes and crafts for everyone. I actually remember them. Before I turned 6,  I went to live with my grandfather's third cousin who was then in her 70's and grumpily set in her ways. When I last saw my grandmother we celebrated my birthday even though it was months away. She knew she wouldn't see me on the actual day. I moved across the country and shortly after she died of cancer in her 40's. My mom died a few years later at 34.

I lived with my dad from 14-college. He was a bachelor and not quite sure what to do. He came in one birthday and asked if I wanted to take a friend to Farrells. Nice thought. Another birthday he bought me a stereo and then through a HUGE 3 hour screaming fit that it took him all day to buy it.

Then I met a wonderful family who treated me like their own (a new concept for me) and we had wonderful wonderful tea parties for my birthday and I felt so special and uncomfortable with all the attention.

Now here I am: the wife and mom. I make celebrations happen. I do all the prep work and planning. So what happens on my birthday? Honestly? My husband waits until the day of and then feels incredibly guilty that he cant do or buy what he thinks he should. I don't even know what that is. And he asks me and asks me, but life doesn't stop and neither do it's pressures.

I got a *new to me* dress/shirt thing at Goodwill. (I cant decide if I lke it and I dont know if I can return it now because the cashier gave me a 24% discount. They like me there, it's like my own little Cheers.)

I woke this morning to a toddler bringing me paper and pens because everyone else was making cards and he didnt want me to be left out :) My husband made a great cup of coffee and an amazing omelet. A friend facebooked me last night asking if she could bring over  a cake.

I dont want anything more but I feel like something is missing. Is it because my well meaning husband keeps asking me what I want to do? Do I expect my Mom to come through the door with a Barbie cake and make everything better? Do I miss my grandma making sure I am taken care of. I dont even know. If so, Id like to get over that now. This is stupid and I dont like whining.

Are birthdays weird for you? Im not all that offended by getting older. Do you plan your birthdays? What do you do? What is your favorite birthday memory?

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Natasha said...

Happy Birthday from Oz!

I am having a big birthday this year (40!) so am quite ambivalent about birthdays at the moment too. It sounds like you had a lovely day all the same.

Best wishes for a lovely year.

Sgt Zapple said...

I think you just want someone to really understand you on your birthday. I have had both an attentive mother who didn't really get me and now an inattentive husband (just who he is, not in a bad way) who does get me but doesn't know how to celebrate. I have also wished for more but didn't know what it was I wanted. So do this mental exercise: Imagine in great detail you got all your heart desired on your birthday. I mean all of it, every compliment, every person you want is there, every present, EVERYTHING your heart desired. And then be honest with yourself, is it what you wanted? The key is being honest with yourself. If you can't do it then you probably have a fear you aren't aware of. If you can and that is what you really want then talk it out with your family and pray about it. In the end prayer and seeking out your true heart is the only thing you can do. But I pray that God will settle your heart soon. My birthday was last week too. I am happy to report that I finally after many years enjoy NOTHING happening on my birthday. I mean nothing, no cooking, no cleaning, no party, nothing. Loved it. But that is me. Figure out you. All the best!

Corinne Doughan said...

I can relate to this post. Now I'm lucky to have a husband who spoils me. Before I met my husband, birthdays were never a huge deal in my household (probably because there were 6 kids in the house and that can get awfully expensive). As a result I have a hard time making my husband's and kids' birthdays a big deal ... but I'm definitely getting better at it with Colin's help.

I think more than anything people (including myself) just want to feel wanted and special and celebrated. They want to know that their life matters to someone. It's especially hard for me though if a parent forgets my birthday because they were the ones that brought me into the world and if I'm not "special" to them what does that say? ...

In the end I have to remember that I'm celebrated by God EVERYDAY!! So are you Kathy! May you feel celebrated on your birthday and everyday by the God who created you and has a wonderful plan for your life!

His bondservant said...

Happy Birthday to you Kathy! I have weird birthdays too...but they don't bother me anymore. I didn't really have big ones when I was a child, so I guess it wasn't much different when I got older! I plan the celebrations for the family, but it feels a little odd planning them for myself! But, my husband is so good and attentive every other day of the year, I can't complain. God bless!

Tracy @ Hall of Fame Moms said...

Hi Mom of 5!

You got your hands full ;) Thank you for introducing yourself at my blog Hall of Fame Moms (for the Organizing Series).

Remember, tomorrow is our first link up day! I'm looking forward to reading what you will be sharing!

See you then!

Renae Mattson said...

Hi Kathy, What a superbly honest post :-) I think, for me, most birthdays are no big deal. But, when one of the milestone ones come around, like my 25th, 35th, and 40th, I get kind of freaked out!

For my 25th, I got so drunk with a bunch of my college buddies that you could put the pictures from that night in chronological order by how blue my mouth was (I was drinking Blue Hawaiians).

On my 35th, my ex-husband threw a sushi party for me at our house. Again, I got drunk as I took a shot of Saki with every single one of my girl friends as they showed up (this included my mother!)

My 40th birthday has been the best birthday of my life. I no longer feel the need to numb my birthdays with alcohol. I now have the best high in the son! I celebrated my 40th birthday with a modest party of immediate family and ended my day in my favorite spot, at home with my boy :-)

Happy Belated Birthday, Kathy! They only get better as we get more comfortable with ourselves :-)