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Thursday, May 6, 2010

Thankful that He's Still God and i'm Still not:)

I've been talking alot lately about staying home and focusing on my little ones, on feeling overwhelmed and not being able to get everything done. I've also been pondering how ministry and friendship fit into this conundrum. Been feeling I have nothing to offer, nothing to give and no room for friendship or outside ministry.

A dear dear friend of mine has been blessed with a great family and a hard working husband. They have been such a blessing to us. He recently lost one of his full time jobs. He is still working but they cant amke their mortgage or live on half of his earnings. We prayed and watched God's amazing provision in their lives. They discovered they were pregnant-- They were overjoyed and felt so honored to know God is continuing to bless them. They lost their baby. We cried and cried. They named her and buried her and mourned her loss. I mourned with them and searched for something to offer. I tried to crack jokes--not good. I prayed and cried. Again nothing to offer.

My son's Scleroderma continues to frighten us. My biggest fear is that his eyebrow will be affected. Nate has started to read too much on the subject and is worried about his eye. Again, nothing I can do.

We Have been praying for good friends for our daughter. We met a sweet neighbor who has been such an encouragement and good freind to our daughter. Her mother asked if the daughter could go to church with us last Sunday. Of course. Duh. Why hadn't we realized that we had that to offer?

When we moved here 9 plus years our toilet broke. The man sent to fix it was a great man of God. I loved him instantly and just knew in my heart that he was a Christian. My husband thought that a little odd until he met him and thought the same thing. Our paths crossed alot and has been a great encouragement to our family. I later met his wife and LOVE her. They have been blessed with many kids. Great kids. I found out recently that he as totally gone off the deep end in so so many ways. I ran into this friend yesterday and cried. and cried.

A dear friend and I went to run errands yesterday (not a "normal" thing for us. My 22 month old has grown a straggly mullet. She fixed it (and even saved me the hair) My 13 year old has a ton of hair that has been drving us all crazy. People assume that he wants his hair long and wont cut it. In actuality, he would rather have it shaved but none of us can do that and we shy away from spending the money to do it. On our way out the door we decided to shave his head. All went well until ALL of our combined 13 other children decided that they wanted to see the head shaving. My friend was bumped, the razor caught on my son's eyebrow and the attachment came off. Half of his eyebrow is shaved. It was funny. Mostly because this is sooo not like my friend. It wasn't a big deal at all. Didn't phase my son or I at all. Its just an eyebrow. This is the same son that I have been crying and praying over losing his eyebrow. WHen he did (albeit temporary and not the same) It wasnt that big a deal.

I have been soo overwhelmed lately. You'd think that these large burdens that my friends are struggling with would somehow be too much for me to wrap my mind around. Somehow, it isn't. I KNOW that I cant fix it for them and I know that I don't need to . Somehow knowing that we aren't alone in any of it is extremely comfortng. We can bear one anothers burdens even thoughwe cant solve them. God uses us despite ourselves despite all my inadequacies and quirks and huge shortcomings because these are His ways. He will comfort the fatherless. He will be the husband to the husbandless. He will hold that baby that He created and knows. He will provide me with ways that I can minister and be encouraged and I will continue to be in amazement of Him.

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