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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Parenting Pouts

Had a rough weekend here. Im not sure exactly how to explain it or how much I should. I found myself wanting to tell the checker at the grocery store. Not a good sign.

I have a very blessed life: great kids and a very loving, Godly husband. God provides all that we need and we are in awe. I'm not complaining.
But lately, I have been trying soo hard and am being pulled in so many directions. Pushed, pulled, very thin. I joke that my children are ALWAYS there. I am trying so hard to be patient. I cant catch my breath from counting to ten with one child before I am tested by another. I have no time alone with my husband. no time alone with God. I am followed to the bathroom, interrupted on the phone. Older kids want to "spend time" with me until midnight. Little ones wake up early needing breakfast. I cant do enough laundry, buy enough clothes, make enough food, have enough variety, entertain enough, teach enough, be in ten places at once. My son cried all day that his friends all think I am mean. That I don't let him do anything and that his friends can play their gameboys and video games all day and go anywhere they want. This went on all day and many hurtful accusations and insulted were flung my way. Ofcourse he is exaggerating and needs to put his respect for his mother in check. BUT...many of my friends children do whine that "Mrs Eller is mean." and ask why our children lose privledges when they misbehave. My friends get frustrated when we get together and my chidlren arent allowed to bring their gameboys. I have been feeling very low lately. We are frequently compared to other families and we do fall short. Mostly I do. Add to this the lack of sleep from keeping up with the laundry, meals and shopping for 7 (with 5 in tow) and the teaching of 3 with two littles in hand and on hip. These words really hurt. Much more than they should have.

My dear husband has been sick and is spread as thin as I am if not thinner. Did he stand beside me and explain to my children what a great mother they have and let me know that I was doing right by him and our children. No. He announced that we weren't going to church. Not when we had caused so much anger in our children and something about being a "bad" family and bad people but not verbatim. I cried all day. We tried to adress the problem and talk it through but I dont think we got anywhere. I finally ran out of tears. My son apologized profusely and denied he said half of what he did. My husband said they may not be around the children with bad things to say about their mother and they may not attend Boy Scouts. He explained to me that he needs to quit his job because he can't leave like this. Then he went to work for 20 hours. I did not raise my voice today. (this is a little shocking. I am Italian. I AM loud. I am loud for no reason. I am louder when provoked) I didnt raise my voice. I didnt take offense. Instead of catering to my older children and letting my younger run ammock, I included my toddler and baby in the things I needed to do. I gently enforced first time obedience and gave my older two the opportunity to rest on their beds for 2 1/2 hours (they had complained that there is too much for them to do and they dont get to do what they want)I ended our commitment to outside school activities and social events where the education benefit was overshadowed by the influence and exposure to others, not to mention the need to drag around a non napping toddler.

I KNOW that I am the adult. I KNOW my goal is not to please my children and definately not someone else's. I KNOW that I will stand before God and give an answer to how I have behaved towards these eternal creatures He has placed in my care. I wonder how many preteens and teens like their parents. Still I feel very alone and stripped bare.

I am grateful for my life, for my family, for my world. But Im feeling very alone in it, and ill equipped.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Week in Review

I went to church and didnt fellowship. I nursed my baby, I talked to my two year old, we came home. I feel like I missed the service, the sermon, the fellowship. Although, at one point, I was balancing my hymnal and my toddler and I literally saw a little spark go off in his head he LOUDLY exclaimed "THEY SINGIN TO JESUS!" Yes they are Luke. And I am so thankfuol that we CAN.

My 10 year old son "crossed over" from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. (He was a cub scout for 5 years) There are no pictures--I was up there with him, juggling his two year old and seven month old brothers. His dad ws sick in bed with a fever.

My 8 year old daughter got a haircut. She explained how she wanted her hair cut. The lady did it. THEN my 10 year old son asked me why I let her get a grown up whaat? he then pointed to her and explained it. He was right.

She is also learning to quilt. (not from me)

My 12 year old son was flicking trash at the girls in class. A girl asked him why. He said because the girls don't hit back. To which she replied, "Oh really?" I like her. Im afraid he may too.

We are Valentine's Day cookies and chocolate, and some of us drank alot of coffee out of cool Valenine's day mugs....

I *think* we are finally over this never ending, hang on forever, cold/flu thing.

I finally "got" some money to pay bills and found that I have run out of checks :(

I stayed up until 2:30 am talking to a dear friend whose house is in forecloseure and being auctioned off and checking account is being levied. Too real.

Baby Gabriel went from his infant carrier to a "regular" car seat. We cold NOT get a good picture of this :) I'd blame it on my lame camera but there seems to be more going on :)

He is now pulling himself up on EVERYTHING. My older kids think this is great and take blurry pictures. I am a little freaked out. He's *supposed* to be an infant, ..AND how am I goign to contain this kid?

After sleeping in a trundle, to being on the floor for awhile. My big boys got bunk beds!

I went to a Homeschooling Mom's Night Out. I was encouraged to know that I am not alone and others want to see us prosper. Good reminders.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I have been thinking about what I am doing here. I am thinking about doing some reviews. And giveaways. My intention isn't to become the biggest or the best or the most professional. My desire is not to be those things....but...blame it on the sickness we can't shake, the hormones that won't settle..I have been feeling like a gawky freshman who can't find her niche'.

My blog will do. But I dont know how to change the background without losing everything, you cant read the blog title on the header, it is cluttered, hard to read, without a button. I dont speak HTML, I dont have $100 to have someone else do it...

BUT Lori over at
has teamed up with

and are giving away a FREE blog makeover!!

Will you cross your fingers for/with me and drop me a comment about what I should or should not change?

Friday, February 6, 2009

7 Quick Takes

In my last blog, I lusted over the Fuzzi Bunz giveaway. A friend who I havent spoken to in forever, and isnt excited about my blog (read: doesnt read it) gave me 14 Fuzzi Bunz diapers today. 14. God is good.

I am selling this. I loved this. Still do. My church family all chipped in and bought it for me when my two year old was born.

My baby will be 7 months old this week. He crawls. I put him somewhere safe to leave the room. An older child frees him and he finds me. It's scary.

I joined facebook. enough said

We have been sick. Miserably sick. BUT it's just a headcold so we shouldn't complain, right? But my babies are sick and coughing and hacking and have chapped little faces and noses. And my bigger boys are gross and snotty. And I am so tired and cranky.
We didnt go to the homeschool co-op yesterday. A new friend brought by lunch, juice, bread, oranges, apples, tea.....WOW.

We have a snake! My dear friend knitted my two year old a scarf in the shape of a snake! It is theee cutest thing!

It is Raining! It is beautiful and needed.
Remember me saying that I was all caught up on laundry and using cloth diapers?
Remember this post about the downside of this house is not being able to do laundry in the rain?