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Saturday, May 30, 2009

Sometimes Life Just Sounds Like a Country Song

Today we attended a tea for Keepers at Home.

My daughter recieved all the badges she has earned since Christmas.

I haven't seen a lot of the moms all year and they asked how I was. I didn't want to say "great" and smile but I also didn't have the energy to explain that in the last week....

Grandpa died.

My hormones comletely wacked out and my milk dried up.

Baby wont take a bottle. Wont take a cup. WONT.

The dog died.

There was so much other drama and relationship drains that I cant even explain.

Im exhausted. I actually slept until 1 pm today. 1 pm. I am not depressed. Honest. I'm just plum worn out. I want, maybe need, a break. From the house, the chores, the demands of people. The crying baby that I can't feed. I'm *suppposed* to make this time make sense for these people and I feel like I can barely keep my own head above water. There are no meals planned. No folded laundry to put away. Nothing is planned and there are 6 people staring at me waiting for a plan.

I can't just throw all this info at anyone asking "How have you been?" It's probably not even good for me to rehash all the emotions. But I also hate sucking it up, smiling and saying "great! how are you?" and then just sauuntering away. I guess I could answer something about how I am very blessed. I know that I am.

For now, I breathe.


Monday, May 25, 2009

Beautiful Wedding

It has certainly been an emotional week.

Have you ever attended an event or a celebration where it wasn't about YOU but you were just so honored to be included? I have had two experiences like that recently: A bridal shower last Sunday and then the most beautiful and amazing wedding yesterday!

Here is the perfect mood music:


Friday, May 22, 2009

A Time of Mourning and Change

Going to be a rough few days here.....
My husband's grandfather died Thursday evening. He was an amazing man of God in his ninetieth year. There are very few people who you feel you KNOW without any doubt that they are believers and that Christ has a hold of their lives. Grandpa was definitely one of them. We know where he is now and can imagine him running, dancing joking...Talking with C.S. Lewis? Spurgeon? Moses? There is such joy in knowing that he is no longer in pain and all his questions are answered.

We couldn't have planned our night better. We gathered and said goodbye and prayed. Now the hard part begins. My husbands family isn't very close. We live, mostly, in a pretty small radius of each other, yet we don't get together. We don't talk regularly. AND we all get our feelings hurt and feel left out.

How do we figure out what life without Grandpa means? How do we cope and deal with our grief not knowing how to rely on and support each other. These remain to be seen.

I can see God's hand clearly even in this mourning. Each of us has had a time with Grandpa recently to say goodbye and. Hospice came in and gave Grandma an opportunity to grieve and prepare for losing Grandpa.

On a much more personal note--My hormones are wacking out and I need to wean my 10 month old..IMMEDIATELY. He is exclusively breastfed and doesn't want a bottle :)
We were up until 2:30 am on Thursday and in our little home everyones nerves are raw and vulnerable....A lot of crying, unplanned meals, misplaced blame....Then there is the Wedding on Sunday and my husband returning to work. I'm feeling torn in so many directions and left with no support. Will be a long next few days but God is good........


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Dress Shopping

This is my first submission to :

Bear with me because I can take a while to get to the point :0 But I promise that this point is relevant :)

I want to be honest here, because frankly, I know no other way. I hate hate hate though when my last blog post seems dark and whiny LIKE MY LAST ONE. I then let it sit there for seemingly forver. so time to clear it up :)

Remember this lovely lady that we just talked about?
She graduated from college last weekend.
And THIS weekend she is getting married! Our parelell lives have been very seperate lately. Although she mesans the world to me, all I need to do is show up. With my family. Dressed. All 7 of us. Normally my family feels totally manageable but sometimes.......

So, we need haircuts and clothes and, to act like we have some sense :)...My twelve year old is a little annoyed because we have been to a few funerals and weddings lately and we go to church every week. Why do we need to get haircuts and buy clothes. He may have a point :)MAYBE but how do I stop him from "dancing" at the reception. These are his moves. He preserved them forever on MY camera.

I live in a small town off the beaten path. We have just had few store closure. There is no where for me to get a dress! I also am hard to fit. I wear an 18. Doesnt sound like a big deal does it? Somehow, it can be.

I have been looking online and found a few things. I would start to order and they would suddenly not have my size or be on backorder. I kept going for loud designs and then wondering if they were moo-moos :)

My daughter and I somehow snuck out alone for a few hours this week. We were wnadering a thrift store and they had all their prom dresses out. I spotted an orange dress from Davids Bridal, tags still on. It was a size 16. I tried to force it on. There are no dressing rooms mind you. My daughter was scared. I then spotted a szie 18. A nice classic fitting, tank dress in light coral silk. hmmm $6.00 and a cleaning later here is my dress for this weekend :) Feels handpicked just for me. I did take a picture to show you, but somehow a size 18 dress on a hanger taken with a crappy camera, doesnt look that great in retrospect. Your mind will do a better job, trust me. I'll try to get some pictures of it this weekend ON. If I have trouble findig my size, how is it that I found it a small thrift store? In a color that I like but much mellower than I may have chosen on my own. Sounds like someone is looking out for me doesn't it.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mothers Day 2009

Around 10 months after having a baby, my hormones get wacky. I get really sad, I get really agitiated. My skin bleeds and cracks from something funky internally... I fight with prog cream">THIS and fight with 369">These among other things and, for atleast the last three babies, I have had to wean them at 12 months.

Can you guess how old this guy is?

Yep. 10 months, almost to the day. So, here I am :)

My husband has a dear dear cousin. Although she is a lot younger than us (atleast 16 years) she has been such a blessing and truly been "family." I "realized" that she was graduating from college on Saturday. How did this happen and we not know about it? Were there announcements? Should we have just known? Were there invites? Were there only so many people per student allowed? The college had been evacuated due to the Jesusita fire. Was the ceremony moved? postponed? I graduated from the SAME college (albeit 15 years ago) was it assumed that I knew these things? I called my in-laws. Yes, they were going. was already too late for me to rally to go. I missed her college graduation. I had had the forethoguht to send a card. What was my excuse for missing her graduation ceremony?
Oh thats right i was sorting socks and eating doughnuts...although my husband is working, I have a 10 month old, a toddler, a house guest and 3 other children.....I wasn't JUST eating doughnuts, I was cooking and cleaning for those 6 other people...and doing a ton of laundry (that is an estimate) and driving to and from activities and....I missed her graduation...I cant believe I missed her graduation.

So....Saturday night I cry and cry and clean the kitchen with no abandon and Sunday I stay in bed until 1:01. I woke up to this....
my dear dear daughter :) She made me a card that read "Happy Movers Day" She made me a necklace, she made me paper flowers, and she made me a hanging plate...WOW huh!
At 4:10 decide to rally and get dressed and have tea and pie :) Not because I feel like it. How often do I do what I feel? Maybe I have been delt a bad hand, maybe my life is horrible and maybe I should have just stayed in bed. But, right now, fair or not I am what these 5 children have and they deserve a good Mothers day memory :) So I suck it up and smile, put on a little make up and.........

We celebrated :)

Week In Review: Jesusita Fire

A huge part of our week was spent in front of the television watching 24 hour coverage of: the Jesusita Fire, (this picture courtesy of MSNBC)

and praying....
Click HERE for a slide show.

The Governor of CA officially declared Fire Season open and within an hour a fire broke out on a small hiking path near the Santa Barbara Botanic Gardens. A press release was issued at 1:45 pm saying that no structures were damaged. As this press release was being given, helicopters showed aerial pictures of the area. A newscaster interrupted to ask if he was seeing what he thought he was seeing--4 structures had just exploded into flames, we moved to another helicopter view to see the same thing. For days the fire was fought and fought with no containment. People were evacuated. Evacuation warnings were made. There was no time to go through and count the damaged structures....We were finally told that "dozens of structures had been lost or damaged" Things would seem "OK" and then a little after nightfall, winds would pick up, temperatures would stay between 80and 90 degrees and structures would literally explode. This went on for days...The official statement now is that the fire scorched 8,733 acres and as many as 80 homes. Approximately 30,000 people were evacuated.

This lady evacuated her house near the fire to stay with us....
It was a nice visit. We sorted socks
(where do they all come from and why are there no matches?)
We snuck away and "did" school. We performed a science experiment
and similated bark paintings.
We came home and baked a pie
from the canning that we did HERE back in August...when my dear friend was so smart to can pie filling
We stayed up late and watched movies and drank tea and ate doughnuts.....
My friend returned home to prepare for work, and Mothers Day came.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Thankful Thursdays

I have a lot to be thankful for. We all do. Even when life feels bleak and like there isn't much to be thankful for, we are called, In Philippians 4:19, to bring our thanksgiving to God, . I think we miss out on a lot of Joy and Blessings and the fruit of the provisions of Jehovah Jirah because we don't take time to be thankful....

That is one reason why I was so excited that my dear friend over at Monkeys on the Bed is doing Thankful Thursdays

This Thursday...I am thankful for my children. I am thankful that they are easily contented. Sometimes this breaks our hearts. My ten year old son fell head over heels in love with NERF">Nerf guns

These guns are great and VERY inexpensive. My sons came from a yard sale. He made a box for it and wears the ammo..My husband was a little choked up that our son was so excited about a $5.00 gun, and wishes he could give him more. But the thing is that our son is happy.

It has been hot here. We don't have access to a pool. We don't have an above ground pool.
We DO have a sandbox that we have been meaning to fill.......
They didn't seem to notice that it wasn't very deep, and that they didn't actually fit.

My oldest son (12) wanted to take our toddler to McDonalds to play in the toy structure there. I finally gave in. The thing is that the oldest four played and played and played and had SUCH a blast.

I worry sometimes that we won't be able to provide for our children. That financially, we won't be able to give them what they need: Do they need thier own room, 10 pairs of shoes, private lessons catering to every whim, 30 electronic devices, dessert every day? They do have 3 square meals a day, a warm and safe home, constant supervision, an education, time to grow.....I am thankful for each of these things and the lessons they have taught my children.

Friday, May 1, 2009

My blog has a button!! Grab it!!

I am soooo excited!!

I wish I had something to giveaway!! I'll work on that.

My new bloggy friend, who is soooo talented made me a button!!

Let me know what you think, let her know what you think.....go on over and meet her at Monkeys on the Bed.