I have been thinking. Sounds scary huh? I KNOW all the advice about nurturing your marriage and how you'll turn around one day and not know one another. I believe that. yet, you can only do what you can do. We don't have date nights. We don't spend time together. My husband was out of work and home for three years. We didn't spend time together then,. We wondered how we'd eat dinner and stared at our three kids under 6 and read out loud. We have stayed in survival mode for awhile.
He's working now. 40 hours a week with a back injury. When he is home he is in recovery mode and we discuss whether or not we should be driving a car with bad brakes and how to pay bills and pray for our children.
I don't get time away with him, alone, or with friends. Its been a lonely stage of life for me and I feel pretty needy. I used to have friends. I use to have something to give. Honest.
I have been thinking a lot about life being in stages and how this isn't it all that I am. Seemed like an amazing life changing thought for me. This moment in time isn't all that I am--I am an accumulation of all of those moments.
A friend called. A good, dear friend. Someone I have known for 25 years. ( She had tried to Facebook me, text me and email me before finally getting a hold of me :) She was heading up North for a girls' weekend and wanted to know if I could meet her for dinner and stay in a hotel. All her treat.:)
Could I do that? really? I am working nights. At home. (because, in thoery I ahve time then:) I wasn't working that Friday. My husband was wrestling with our son and broke a rib and pulled something. He was home from work. He didn't mind being with the kids but was a little jealous that HE wasn't the one to take me to dinner. (I cant remember the last time we have done that)
Our washing machine broke. and no one in town can deliver for a week. Our modem broke and our computer crashed. I have a gift certificate for a Best buy in the next town over, where my husband works. Easy. Not really. they wouldn't let me use the card online and my husband called in sick. We arranged for me to take his truck and meet my friend. then the brakes went out in his truck. I wondered if this was not a good weekend to go.
But, honestly. This is just how my life works:)
I went. and I felt guilty. And I had a great time. We stayed in a quaint quaint little hotel and walked around town wine tasting. at one point my friend worried she had said something wrong. I didn't flinch and responded "my opinion of you is made" It has been 25 years. I know her faults and i know her strengths and I'm here to stay. She exhaled and said "I like that"
I hadn't been wine tasting before and tried not to take it too seriously. I fought it but I really learned a lot. It was very educational:)
We walked here:
The Wandering Dog
Lucas & Lewellen
then took a Taxi here:
The Hitching Post II
brought dessert back to our room.
Honestly, I was gone for dinner and breakfast and not much was missed. I felt so relaxed and refreshed. There was plenty more drama and dilemma waiting for me. Should I feel guilty for running away and being selfish? Could I have handled my many blessings and drama and dilemmas without a chance to catch my breath? I don't have the answer to either.